Infidelity Counselling in Melbourne

Research estimates that around 20–25% of married Australians have engaged in an extramarital affair, and infidelity is a contributing factor in approximately 40% of divorces in Australia (Queensland Family Law Practice). Yet affairs remain one of the most privately carried experiences in any relationship — often for months or years before they come to light. When they do, whether through discovery or disclosure, they tend to create an immediate crisis unlike almost anything else a couple will face. The trust that holds a relationship together has been broken, and what comes next is rarely clear.

Infidelity is one of the most destabilising experiences in a relationship. The feelings that follow — betrayal, rage, grief, shame, disorientation, and confusion — are all normal responses to an abnormal situation. For the person who was betrayed, there is often a shattering of the story they held about the relationship, and about the person they thought they knew. For the person who had the affair, there is frequently a complex mix of guilt, relief, loss, and the need to understand what drove them there.

Can a relationship survive infidelity?

Yes — many do. Research suggests that 57% of couples who enter therapy after infidelity stay together, rising to approximately 75% with structured approaches like the Gottman Method (Here Counseling). Recovery typically takes two to three years with professional support. But “survival” is not the only meaningful outcome. Some couples use the crisis of infidelity as a point of genuine reckoning — addressing things that had been avoided for years, and building something more honest than what existed before. Others, after careful reflection and genuine effort, reach the conclusion that separation is the right path — and that, too, can be arrived at with clarity and less damage than if it were handled reactively.

What I offer in my Carlton, Melbourne practice is not a pressure to reach any particular outcome. The goal is to create the conditions where honest understanding and genuine decision-making are possible — for both people.

Why do affairs happen?

Affairs always happen in a context. Understanding that context is not the same as excusing the behaviour — but comprehension is necessary for real change, and without it, the same dynamics are likely to recur in some form. Common contexts I work with include:

• Chronic emotional disconnection — a long-standing drift that neither partner addressed directly
• Unmet needs and unspoken resentments — that were never brought into conversation
• Avoidance of intimacy — affairs can sometimes function as a way of keeping emotional distance from a primary relationship
• Identity and midlife questions — an affair as a symptom of something the person was seeking in themselves, not just in another person
• Opportunism and poor boundaries — without a deeper relational crisis as the driver
• Compulsive or addictive patterns — where the affair is part of a broader picture of compulsive behaviour

Understanding which of these — or which combination — applies to a particular situation is part of the therapeutic work. I work with both the betrayed partner and the unfaithful partner, separately or together. Both deserve space to process what has happened without judgement.

I see clients online via secure video call across Melbourne and Australia, and in person at 96 Elgin Street, Carlton in inner Melbourne. Individual sessions are $120; couples sessions are $170. No referral needed. Book a session or message me on WhatsApp.